More Ranting And Various Other Thoughts

[chelseajmunoz]

In the last blog entry I'd written yesterday I forgot to mention the fact that the lady whose house a friend and I'd gone to see the previous Friday tried to act nice in the voicemail she'd left me this Thursday. At the end of the voicemail she'd left me this Thursday she'd said something like "I'll definitely keep your number and call you if the downstairs room that I rent to people ever becomes available." Those words of hers made me feel frustrated and angry because it was an after-thought for her to offer me the downstairs room that she rents out to people. Because in the voicemail she'd left me this Thursday she'd already said that she feared for my safety in her house. So given that she apparently fears for my safety in her house how the hell could she even think that I'd warmly accept her shitty after-thought offer of a downstairs room in her house that may or may not ever become available? That's fucked up! I was too infuriated in the last blog entry that i'd written yesterday to talk about this part of the story. And the saddest part of this story though I think is the fact that this lady claimed to be a good Christian. When a friend and I'd gone to look at her house last Friday she'd even told me that she'd have my back if I lived in her house. During said friend's and my visit with this lady last Friday she'd even told me that she could possibly be my provider to help me with cooking-related things if I lived in her house. And in reflecting about those things in combination with how this particular situation turned out with this particular lady I'm left wishing that people wouldn't say things like "I'd have your back if you lived with me" or "I could potentially be your provider if you lived with me." Because for one thing, saying those things to someone is misleading to put it mildly. Not only is it misleading to say those kinds of things to someone but it can give someone false hope. Like, even when I'd written the blog entry where I talked about going to see this lady's house last Friday I listed the pros and cons of how living at her house in my perspective would look. I tried to tell myself that it would be a good idea to see if I could be comfortable in said house, given that I'd be able to lock both the bathroom door as well as the bedroom door all the time. Yet I ended up realizing that I needed to trust my gut of not wanting to live with total strangers who were men. So that's just what I did and it's just as well that this lady didn't want to rent her upstairs bedroom to me. That being said, it was really shitty of her to act nice by saying that she'd keep my number so that if the downstairs room she rents to people ever becomes available, she'd call me to see if I'd want that room. No thanks. Don't even waste your time, lady. I don't want to be your sloppy seconds. And she'd also told the friend that went with me to see her house last Friday that she was Christian. Well I have news for you, lady: if you were demonstrating your good Christianity by faking kindness to me I want no part in that in any way, shape or form. That is not good Christianity as far as I'm concerned. Hell it wouldn't matter what religion someone was: if he or she assumes things about me even after I've assured him or her that I'll indeed be fine in a house with stairs than I won't ever do business with that person. On a similar note though I often read FB posts from some of my friends who are blind and in those posts that some of my friends who are blind write, those people say that they wish for the day that people with disabilities won't be treated shitty because he or she's disabled. The blind people who write those FB posts seem to really and truly believe that a day will come when what they believe will be a truth that we live. I don't happen to be one of the people in the world who believes that there will come a day when people with disabilities are treated as equal members of society. I'm just a realist though rather than an idealist. I know that as much as the sentiment that disabled people will be treated as equal members of society sounds nice, the reality we actually live in does not act that way. Sure it would be nice if people with disabilities were always treated as equal members of society. Sure it would be nice if LGBT people were treated as equal members of society...but neither of those minority groups will ever be considered fellow human beings by some members of society. Does that suck? Fuck yeah it sucks!! In having the perspective that I have though does my perspective mean that I'm not going to continue to stand up for myself as a multiply-disabled person who's also a member of the LGBT community? No, it doesn't mean that at all. It simply means that I choose to look at things realistically rather than from an idealistic perspective. Other people are just as entitled to have the perspectives that they have regarding how people in minority groups are actually seen by many members of society verses how people want minority groups to be seen among members of society. Shortly after I'd written my last blog entry yesterday I finished reading The Confidence Gap. That particular book was a good book and one I'd definitely recommend that other people read. The Confidence Gap encourages its readers to think about confidence in a different way than society usually teaches us to think about confidence. Another thing I like about The Confidence Gap is that its author shows its readers how thinking positively all the time is actually unhealthy for people, just like thinking negatively all the time is unhealthy for people. I totally see how both of those extremes are harmful for people and I'll definitely use some of the skills that are in The Confidence Gap to help me have a balance of positive in my life as well as a balance of negative in my life. I think it's crucial for each human being to find a balance between the positive and negative so that each human being can truly be engaged in his or her life and live in the present as often as possible. Of course as human beings we'll fuck up sometimes. That's a given. However if we're able to live in the present most of the time that's what people should think about striving for. Shortly after I'd finished reading The Confidence Gap I read a reply on Twitter that was from GettingHired. The person who'd sent me said reply said that I should DM said agency my email address. So after I'd read said reply from GettingHired I tried to send GettingHired a DM. Unfortunately though I was unable to DM GettingHired so I sent GettingHired a tweet saying that I couldn't DM said agency unless that particular agency followed me on Twitter. I then received a reply on Twitter from GettingHired. In the reply that GettingHired had sent me the person had told me that she or he'd followed me on Twitter. So I immediately sent GettingHired a DM with the email address that I'd used to sign up for that particular agency's website. A little while after I'd sent GettingHired a DM with my email address I emailed the manager at my old apartment complex. In the email I'd sent my old apartment manager I asked her whether that particular apartment complex had mailed out my security deposit to me yet. A little while after I'd emailed the apartment manager of my old apartment complex, GettingHired sent me a DM on Twitter. In the DM that GettingHired had sent me, the person informed me that he or she'd forwarded my request to cancel my account to the appropriate people who'd take care of my request this coming week. This morning I talked with a friend of mine about why I don't think I did well in college when I attended college several years ago. I said something to said friend of mine like "I don't think I did well in college years ago because I felt too powerless to ask for help." My friend said that what I'd said was interesting to him. I asked him how he'd thought that what i said was interesting and he said that the fact that I used to feel too powerless to ask for help with college-related things was something he hadn't thought of before. Like, he'd thought that any time someone needed help, that he or she'd automatically ask for said help with no problem whatsoever. So when I'd told him that when I'd attended two different colleges years ago I was too afraid to ask for help because of how my mom treated me, that was insightful to him. I told him that I'd never thought of that before but that I've been reflecting on it for the past few days. I then told my friend that I think the fact that I'm in a different city and state now has everything to do with how I'm able to be excited about going to school again. I think that I have a better outlook about going to school because I'm older and I'm focused on what it is that I want to accomplish. I also think that the fact that I'm healthier mentally and physically has a lot to do with why my perspective on going to college is healthier than it once was. A little later in the afternoon I sent a message to one of my FB friends on FB messenger. In the FB message I'd sent said friend I asked him what link he used to have a custom white cane made for himself. Because I remembered that he'd talked about a website before where people could have custom white canes made for his or herself. The thing is though that I'm not sure if he'd actually gone through with having one made for himself or if it was just something he'd heard about and thought would be cool to have done. Anyway the reason I sent that friend a message on FB messenger was because I'd like to have a custom white cane made for a friend of mine. I may even invest in having a custom white cane made for myself if I can come up with something that I think would look cool. Shortly after I'd sent my friend a message on FB messenger I emailed the Assistant Manager at my old apartment complex to ask whether my security deposit had been mailed to me yet. A little while after I'd emailed the Assistant Manager at my old apartment complex I watched the first episode of the continued season 7 of Once Upon A Time. Fortunately I was able to watch that particular episode through using the TV app on my iPhone with no problem whatsoever. Although the only downside to watching a show that's currently on TV is the fact that you only get to watch one episode of the show a week because that's what airs on TV. Of course I remember the days when we didn't have the technology that we have now and we were forced to wait to watch weekly shows because we didn't have a choice. Now that we often have a choice about how we want to watch TV shows though on one hand I'd prefer to watch TV show episodes after they've already aired on TV. On the other hand though there's definitely something that's exciting about waiting to watch a TV show the next week. Like, part of me really looks forward to next week when I can watch another episode of Once Upon A Time. Yet there's also a bittersweet feeling to watching Once Upon A Time because this season of Once Upon A Time is the last time that particular TV show will be on TV. I just hope that the writers of the show will continue to make its last days great.