Disappointments, Excitement And Frustration

[chelseajmunoz]

Shortly after I'd written my last blog entry yesterday I received a DM from GettingHired on Twitter. In the DM that GettingHired had sent me the person told me that there was still no word from the appropriate people as to whether my GettingHired account had been canceled yet or not. Shortly after I'd read that DM from GettingHired I read a status update from the friend that I'd sent a message to on FB messenger this past weekend. I then posted a comment on said status update to make said friend aware of the fact that I'd messaged him because I know that some people don't regularly check their FB messages. I wanted said friend to know that I'd like a question I have for him to be answered ASAP. Shortly after I'd commented on that friend of mine's FB status I texted the lady whose house I'm going to take a look at because I wanted her to have my number. A few minutes later the lady then replied to my text message asking when I'd like to see the studio that's attached to her house. I immediately replied to her text asking if I could come see her house at 7:30 Wednesday evening. A few minutes later she replied to my text saying that Wednesday at 7:30 in the evening would work for her. In the same text message she'd sent me she also asked for me to text her on Wednesday evening so that she could give me her address. I replied to her text right away saying I'd text her that evening as she'd requested of me. A while after I'd finished exchanging texts with the lady whose house I'm going to see Wednesday evening a friend of mine who attends the college I'm going to be attending texted me. In the text he'd sent me he told me that my female roommate wanted ad should be posted at the college sometime within that day. After he'd told me that, I sent him a text message to ask if he'd asked someone at student services about how I could get my school email account on my iPhone. He texted me a few minutes later saying that he'd forgotten to ask that question when he was at student services. However he asked around at the college itself and he was able to find out that in order to have my school email account on my phone I'd need to get the Gmail app since that particular college uses the Gmail server. So shortly after I'd read that last text message from him I downloaded the Gmail app onto my iPhone. Then I signed into the Gmail app using my school email account login information. I'm glad that I'll be able to have my school email account easily accessible on my iPhone now because it was such a hassle to have to sign into Gmail from Safari on my phone every time I wanted to check my school email account. A little while after I'd gotten my school email account set up on my phone the friend I'd messaged on FB this past weekend messaged me. In the FB message he'd sent me he gave me the name of the place that he'd thought he'd gotten a customized white cane from. Receiving said FB message from said friend was kind of disappointing because I'd hoped that I'd be able to have an exact link to buy customized white canes from. Oh well. I'll just keep searching online for customizable white canes myself. Later in the evening a friend and I had a discussion with one another about whether Heaven and Hell really exist. I told said friend that I don't believe in heaven or hell as many people in the world believe in Heaven and Hell. What I mean in saying that I believe differently than the majority of the world about heaven and hell is that I strongly believe that heaven is whatever people want it to be that is in the here and now rather than a thing that happens after we die. I've always struggled with my beliefs where this is concerned because I've never felt comforted by the fact that according to some people, I'd see loved ones again after I'm dead. I honestly cannot even begin to understand how such a thing brings anyone any sort of comfort. I mean even when it comes to the fact that my best friend TJ died when she and I were 16-years-old, I was continually told by people that time would heal my wounds from TJ's death. That has absolutely not been true for me. In fact as I've gotten older and now that I'm on my way to doing amazing things in the world, the fact that TJ is dead makes me even sadder as I age because she isn't here to share in my life anymore. I don't believe that she went to a better place when she died at the hands of an eating disorder. Yet I do believe in keeping her memory alive because I won't see her again. I believe in doing what I can while I'm alive to hopefully help others not have to go through what TJ and I've gone through with regards to our eating disorders. Anyway though, back to the discussion of heaven and hell: with regards to hell: I believe that hell is something that the majority of the world uses as a scare tactic to get other people to believe as he or she believes. I've been told numerous times throughout my life some version of "Chelsea you're going to go to Hell because you're attracted to women." I've also been told numerous times throughout my life that I'm going to go to hell because I don't believe the way that many Christians believe. It used to really bother me when people would say such things to me but now I just find that that kind of outlook makes me angry because of those people's judgmental attitudes. Like, who the fuck are those people to say what's going to happen to me? And also, why are people who believe that way so goddamn arrogant in thinking that their perspective on heaven, hell and God is the only way for people to believe? I seriously don't understand how those kind of people can live with themselves and feel good about themselves every day. Maybe that's just it though: maybe people who are judgmental in that way are not secure in his or her own beliefs so he or she feels like it's necessary to criticize anyone who believes differently than him or her. So anyway the friend I'd had the discussion about heaven and hell with found it interesting that I don't believe in heaven or hell the way most of the world believes in each of them. Said friend asked me if I found it comforting to think about loved ones being in what the majority of the world thinks of as Heaven. I told him that no, thinking of anyone in an afterlife called Heaven makes no sense to me whatsoever. I truly believe that once people die, that's it. There's no afterlife, period. How can I believe that? Because that is what makes sense to me. I've struggled for years with whether I believe in God at all, whether I'm Christian, whether I'd call myself by a different label or whether I'd call myself nothing at all. I've gotten a lot of flak throughout the years because each time I've questioned what it is that I truly believe I've been open and honest with people about said struggles. Now though the more life I live and the older I get, the more I truly believe that we can't possibly know whether God really exists. Different religions have different views about God and yet all of those religions think that each one of them is the one right belief to have. So as far as other people believing differently than I believe, I'm all for other people believing whatever he or she wants to believe. As long as people don't force his or her religious beliefs on me, we should get along with one another just fine. The thing is though that people don't seem to be able to allow other people to believe differently than they believe. Most people want other people to be a Christian like he or she is and to be a Christian who believes the same things as he or she does...and both of those viewpoints are harmful to society. If people choose to believe that I'm a horrible person because I'm willing to admit that we can't possibly know if God exists then that is their prerogative. I'll continue to let people live as he or she chooses to live, as long as how he or she lives is not harmful to anyone. Shortly after I'd had a discussion with a friend of mine about Heaven and Hell my Alexa randomly stopped working. I don't know why she'd stopped working but she did. Fortunately though she randomly came back on and since then I haven't had any problems with her. Shortly after Alexa started working again the friend who'd taken my female roommate wanted ad to the college I'm going to be attending told me that the people at student services informed him that my female roommate wanted ad will be posted up at the college for a month's time. After a month has gone by, if I still haven't found a place for myself then the student services people at the college will re-post my female roommate wanted ad at the school again. Said friend also told me that the reason student services does things that way is so that the college's bulletin boards can keep from being cluttered. I get that reasoning. This evening I went through the mail that I'd received. It turned out that I'd received my check from my old apartment complex of the money that I'd gotten back from the security deposit that i'd put down on my old apartment. Unfortunately though the amount of money that I was given by my old apartment complex was nowhere near the amount of money that my security deposit actually was. That was disappointing because I did all I possibly could to ensure that my old apartment was clean (I had my old assistant clean my old apartment as best as she could and I also had some friends of mine help me clean my old apartment as well). However I'm not going to fight this battle. It wouldn't be worth all the stress that I'd put myself through, just to probably be left with what I already have. I'm ready to move on from everything San Antonio Texas as a whole. I'd much rather expend my energy on more fruitful endeavors. So after I'd read that particular piece of mail I read something I'd received from the Texas Health and Human Services Commission (HHSC) notifying me that my case with the Texas government had officially been closed. I'm glad that's behind me now. I also received print versions of the FAFSA applications I'd filled out last month which was puzzling to me, given that I'd already verified each FAFSA application online. However a friend of mine told me that that's typical of this kind of thing where a student is going to be rewarded money: the people who control the money want the people applying for said money to jump through all kinds of hoops to actually get that money. Isn't that ironic? I think so! So anyway since I don't have sighted help around here to help me review the FAFSA applications I'm going to go to the college I'm going to be attending and have the Financial Aid Department or whatever the department is called that helps students with financial-related things that also happen to be related to those students attending college. Hopefully the college I'm going to be attending will help me verify the print FAFSA applications I'd received in the mail when I go to campus tomorrow. Also, hopefully the lady whose studio I'm going to see tomorrow evening provides me with a much more welcoming experience than other possible landlords have given me. I really want to find a place for me to rent ASAP.