A Heartfelt Letter And Numerous Exciting Updates

[chelseajmunoz]

Monday evening an FB friend of mine shared a video where a blind person talked about how stressful and infuriating it becomes when we as blind people regularly deal with sighted people not thinking that we can make good decisions. I then shared that particular video on FB but in addition to sharing said video on FB I wrote the following: "I hope the sighted people on my friends list take time to listen to/watch the things this video has to say. When blind people in particular are told by sighted people 'don't be mad at us for trying to help you,' the message that those sighted people are communicating to us is 'I don't need to ask for your consent because I do not believe you are capable of making appropriate decisions.' In case you are unaware, that particular message from sighted people is damaging. That particular message from sighted people is more damaging and unhelpful than words can express. This video explains this concept in a great way. This video explains how more often than not, blind people are not afforded courtesy by sighted people. What I mean is that blind people are rarely asked by sighted people how they want to be helped or if they want to be helped at all. When this kind of thing adds up and happens to you on a regular basis it often becomes infuriating. Sighted people say they are just trying to help. Well I have a better idea, sighted people: how about instead of helping us without our consent, be courteous and ask if we *need* your help...then ask *how* you can help. *DO NOT* ass-ume that you know what we need...because *we* are in charge of *our* bodies and lives. Treat us as such!!" A while after I'd written that particular comment on an FB status update that I'd shared I helped a friend of mine chop vegetables. I know I've written in my blog about helping this same friend chop vegetables before but it's been a while since I'd written about that particular experience. This time chopping vegetables though was kind of difficult for me because the vegetables kept getting stuck in the vegetable chopper. I made it through that particular experience successfully though! Shortly after I'd finished helping my friend chop vegetables I helped my friend marinate some chicken in different spices and different seasonings. That particular task was a lot of work too...but once again I made it through said task successfully. After I'd helped my friend with those two things said friend and I had a good conversation with one another regarding the fact that there are actually a lot of colleges that I could choose to go to once I've finished attending community college. During the conversation I'd had with said friend, my friend suggested some search terms that I could put into Google to try and figure out which college has the highest employment rate for its students after graduation. I then asked said friend if the Academic Counselor at the community college I'm going to be attending could help me research which college would be the best one for me to get into. My friend said that the Academic Counselor is supposed to help college students with this sort of thing which was great because I don't want to have to do things alone as a brand-new college student. Yesterday morning I read a reply to the comment I'd made on Scholarship Giver's FB wall. The reply was from Scholarship Giver herself. In the reply she'd written to my comment she said that she'd help me apply for the scholarship she wants to give out once she'd gotten home from her vacation. Shortly after I'd read that particular reply from her I called the agency that's going to give me an AT evaluation. However there was no answer on the phone number I'd called said agency at. A few minutes later I called said agency again and had the same results. No answer. A little while after I'd called said agency a couple of times I sent an email to the Academic Counselor I'd met with a few times at the college I'm going to be attending. In the email I'd sent her I told her that I'd like her help in figuring out which of the colleges that have my major of social work has the highest employment rate for its students. I told her that I don't want to limit myself at all so if there are private colleges that have great programs for my major of social work then we can look at those colleges too. Shortly after I'd sent that particular email to the Academic Counselor at the college I called the other phone number I had for the agency who's supposed to give me my AT evaluation. When I'd explained the situation to the lady I spoke with, the lady told me that said agency would call me whenever there's an opening for said agency to do the AT evaluation which was kind of frustrating because I want to be able to start going to school in June. Maybe I'll still be able to go to school in June though. It just depends on whether I receive everything I'd need in order for me to be successful in school. A little while after I'd gotten off the phone with a lady from the agency who's going to give me an AT evaluation I watched the latest episode of Once Upon A Time on the Hulu app that's on my phone. I guess it's a good thing that I don't give up easily because so far I've been able to watch Once Upon A Time on the Hulu app even though for the most part the Hulu app acts up by not letting me watch anything. Hopefully the Hulu app that's on my phone continues to work in my favor at least until Once Upon A Time finishes airing on TV. A little while after I'd watched Once Upon A Time on the Hulu app that's on my phone the internet stopped working. Unfortunately the internet was down for several hours but I didn't want to ask my friend who was at school when the internet first went out to tell me where the router was located in his apartment. So I waited until he'd gotten home to tell him that the internet had been down. Fortunately though he reset the router and everything was working like it should again. Once the internet was back up I sent an email to the teacher from TSBVI who I'd been wanting to get in touch with lately. Once I'd sent her an email I read an email from the Academic Counselor at the college I'm going to be attending. In the email that she'd sent me she said that she'd be happy to help me figure out what all of the options are of the colleges that I could go to once I've finished community college. She suggested that I set up an appointment with her for her and I to discuss things further. However after thinking about things and talking to a friend of mine about my college journey the friend of mine said that figuring out which college I want to attend after community college is not something that needs to be determined right away. Said friend also told me that the best plan would probably be for me to complete my core classes first then worry about choosing a college later. As I was in the middle of having this particular conversation with a friend of mine I discovered that the internet had stopped working again. So my friend and I'd waited a few minutes to see if the internet would fix itself. Unfortunately the internet didn't fix itself though. My friend ended up calling the company who he pays to have home internet with and discovered that according to that particular business's automated system there was indeed an internet outage in this particular area. Interestingly though when my friend had first called that particular company, the company's automated system wouldn't let him get past said automated system for the longest time. The reason I find that particular thing so interesting is because technology continues to advance. I remember the days when most of people's telephone communication with one another was the way that business was conducted. Nowadays though most of people's business is conducted by those people using companies automated systems to do their business with rather than doing their business with an actual person. Fortunately though my friend's internet came back on a little while later. Before the internet had gone out a second time though my friend asked me if I'd ever eaten at Tacobell before. I told them that Texas has Tacobells but that I'd only eaten from that particular fast food place once in my life. So he picked up food from Tacobell for the two of us. He'd also gotten a strawberry skittles drink that Tacobell had that he'd wanted me to try. However he accidentally dropped my drink right outside of the apartment. Hopefully there will be a time when I can try that particular drink from Tacobell because the red skittles are my favorite flavor of skittles. So anyway when my friend had gotten back from Tacobell and I tried the food that he'd gotten for the two of us I wasn't impressed at all. My stomach was upset after eating that particular meal. It sucked, let me tell you!! After my friend and I'd eaten our Tacobell meals the two of us shared the remainder of the Dr Pepper bottle that I'd opened the other day. Its taste was sooooooooooo delicious, especially after having eaten the nastiness that is Tacobell!! After my friend and I'd drank the rest of the Dr Pepper bottle that had been opened, my friend discovered that the internet had started working again. So I promptly sent an email to the Academic Counselor at the college I'm going to be attending to let her know that I thought that it may be best for her and I to meet with one another once I'd completed my core classes at that particular college. This morning I woke up and realized that today is my brother Max's 15th birthday. I woke up feeling sad about the fact that he isn't in my life. When I got up I checked my email. It turned out that I'd received an email from someone who'd emailed me what I think is a certified copy of my legal name change order that a local Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) wants me to provide them in order for me to get a state ID from this particular state. I'd also received an email from the teacher I'd wanted to get back in touch with which made me really happy! So after I'd read the email from the teacher I'd wanted to be in touch with I replied to said email. I then read an email that was from the Academic Counselor at the college I'm going to be attending. In the email that she'd sent me she'd said that she'd actually recommend her and I meeting with one another this semester so that I'll at least have an idea of which universities I want to choose to attend after I've completed that particular college. So I immediately replied to her email saying that it would work best for me if the two of us could meet on a Wednesday. Shortly after I'd sent that particular email to her I forwarded the email of my certified name change order to the friend of mine who also attends the college I'm going to start attending soon. That way he could print out said document for me and I'd then be able to go to a local DMV and get a state ID for this particular state that I live in now. A little while after I'd emailed the certified copy of my legal name change order to a friend of mine I received a reply from the Academic Counselor at the college that I've been meeting with. In the email she'd sent me she said that she doesn't have any availability to meet this week or next week. So I replied to her email to let her know that I'm available to meet with her any time and any day. In the same email I'd sent her I suggested that she let me know when her first available appointment is and we could take things from there. In other news I feel like writing a letter to my mom. Here goes: Dear Mom, on one hand I feel like I have sooooooo much to say to you. Yet on the other hand I don't even know where to begin. Let's start with the fact that today is Max's 15th birthday and the fact that you refuse to let me communicate with anyone in your family. Today I'm feeling somewhat sad because I'm reminded of the fact that I was 15-years-old when Max was born. The last time I saw Max was when he was 6-years-old and my other brother Alex was four-years-old. Deep down I think I knew even then that you wouldn't allow me to stay in touch with anyone in your family, that once I'd left your house in May of 2009, that would be it. Yet at the same time I still held onto hope that you wouldn't do such an awful thing. And you've done plenty of awful things in your life that have been related to me alone, things that caused me to have lots of trauma, mental health struggles and a shitty image of myself for years. Years ago when I tried to have a conversation with you about the fact that I felt you regularly damaged my self-esteem you blew me off and said that this was my problem. Words will never be adequate enough to express how deeply I hate who you are and how deeply I hate the damage you continue to cause to your entire family. The reason I say that you continue to cause damage to your entire family is because no one in your entire family has anything to do with me. Honestly I know now that I'm better off without any of your family members in my life (including you of course). I know how you are and I know how you have power over numerous people through the things that you say and through the way that you move through the world. And quite frankly every aspect of who you are is disgusting! There is nothing, not one good thing that I can say about you personally. Because even when I was a child and I saw your involvement in my schooling-related things I knew even then that you were simply playing a role. You knew that it would be beneficial for you to play the role of a good mother because you playing that particular role would make people at my school like you. At least that was what you seemed to think and want. And now that I'm older and now that I'm in touch with several teachers and TAs from school I know that some of those people saw right through your roleplaying bullshit. Some of those people saw exactly who you are without ever talking to me about the years of trauma I'd endured at your hands and at the hands of your family members. But this letter is about you, mom, not about your family members. And before I go any further mom, I want you to know that I use the word "mom" to refer to you simply because the word "mom" is a way for people to know exactly who I'm talking about when I say that particular word. Because in reality you are nothing to me but a birth canal. That is exactly how I think of you: the woman who gave birth to me. No, the thing who gave birth to me...because you are an insult to all of humanity! You are also an insult to women as a whole because most women are far stronger than you could or would ever be. You have done unforgivable things to me and I hope with all my heart that I never see you again. You are a symbol of shame for me in some ways because I cannot believe that someone so beautiful as I am could come out of the ugliest thing I know (YOU). Yet i find much of my strength in you. Because of who you are and how you move through the world you've unintentionally taught me very powerful lessons, lessons that I don't think I otherwise would've learned if I hadn't known you. Through you I've learned the importance of me needing to become self-sufficient in regards to my physical independence as well as in regards to making sure that my emotional needs were met. In some ways I didn't know how to ensure that my emotional needs were met and because of that, I'd often physically and emotionally cling to adults that I felt I strongly connected with. Because in allowing myself to physically and emotionally connect with adults I cared about I realized that those people could help meet some of my needs. And they did. I can think of several people throughout my life who were there for me in ways that you were never there for me and who were there for me in ways that you will never be there for me. And because of those great people my life feels far less lonely than it may have felt if I didn't have support from others. And yet I feel kind of like in talking about what lessons I've learned from you I'm somehow giving you credit. You don't deserve any credit at all because you've done nothing deserving of such an accolade. You are a disgusting piece of shit. I hope you feel exactly like that for the rest of your days on Earth as well as in Hell (if there even is an actual Hell that people go to once they are dead). I just want to say this one more time though because it feels good to speak my truth and because I want these to be the last words in this letter that I've written to you. You are a disgusting piece of shit.