Updates, Continued Frustration And Surprising Changes

I've been really great about talking about every book I've read recently in this blog with the exception of one book. The book that I've yet to talk about on my blog is called Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women's Love And Desire. The reason I haven't talked about that particular book until now is because the topic of the book hits close to home for me. The book's author interviewed many women from when some women were teenagers all the way until the women were older. Throughout Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women's Love And Desire it's clear that for many women their sexuality is fluid (meaning that their sexuality changes over time). I know for me that particular statement holds true. So this particular book had been recommended to me by one of my therapists in San Antonio and I really wanted to read it to see if it might help me along my own journey of truly accepting my sexuality. That particular book did help me along my journey and I think it's important for me to write about the ways that book helped me and my experience of sexuality as a whole. Ever since I was little I knew I was attracted to people, not just people with penises. When I was in my teens all the way until my mid-20s I tried different labels on me to see if I could find a label that I felt defined my sexuality as I'd define it. I tried the usual labels like "bisexual," "lesbian" and "pansexual" but I didn't feel that any of those labels made sense for how I'd define myself. I even did some research on the sexuality label "queer" and I'm not sure how I feel about that label either. Since I've always been very open with people about the fact that I'm attracted to people for who they are rather than because of what's between their legs I've been given a lot of shit from people like "You're one confused individual because you can't make up your mind what you like or want." For years that kind of comment really hurt my soul because even though I didn't know that sexuality being fluid was a thing until a few years ago such comments still made me feel defective and even crazy. So when I read Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women's Love And Desire recently a light bulb went off in my head saying that I was never crazy or confused because of my change in sexuality as many people have told me is true. I'm simply one of the women in the world whose sexuality is not and never has been any one thing all the time. I've always known that the labels "heterosexual" or "straight" don't define me at all. So after reading Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women's Love And Desire I finally have different language that I can use that I feel defines my sexuality: my sexuality is ever-changing and never any one thing constantly. I'm sure that concept is hard for many people to grasp but the important thing is that I'm 100 percent secure in how I define my sexuality. I think this kind of thing needs to be talked about among society because people need to learn to change with the times. Not everything is black and white nor is everything so easily defined. People are different not just because he or she has different experiences throughout his or her life but also because each person thinks about and sees the world in a different way than the next person. In fact that's part of the reason that I've decided to write about my experiences with sexuality and how this particular book has helped me along my journey: as i've said before in other blog entries I have perspectives on a wide range of topics that need to be brought out into the world. Shortly after I'd written my last blog entry yesterday a friend of mine asked if it would help for her to purchase a Bookshare membership for me since Bookshare is pricey for someone who's currently unemployed. I said her purchasing a Bookshare membership for me would be great. She then told me that I'd have to pay $20 for Bookshare's phone app. However Bookshare needs proof that I'm truly disabled so I[m going to wait until my membership is verified by Bookshare to actually purchase that particular company's phone app. Yesterday evening I read an article that said that this season of Once Upon a Time will be that particular show's last season. I'm disappointed to hear that news but I remain hopeful that however the show ends, the ending will be just as good or better as the entire show has been. This morning when I checked my email I discovered that I'd received an email from the Senior Advisor at Apple who's been in charge of my case. In the email she'd sent me she let me know that she'd reach out to the appropriate people who process refunds to see whether the number I'd given her was correct. I then read an email from the electric company in San Antonio. Instead of $54 which is what the last bill that particular company had sent me said, the bill that particular company sent me this time was in the amount of $67. How the fuck is that even possible?, especially given that I last used that particular service for the month of January? I don't know what's with companies lately but all the companies I've had to deal with recently have been fucking up really bad. Needless to say a little while after I'd seen the latest email notification from the electric company that San Antonio uses I Googled "CPS Energy, Twitter." As I've done with every other company who's done me wrong lately. Once I'd found San Antonio's electric company on Twitter I tweeted that particular company to explain the situation I'm in and how that particular company's screw-ups have caused me unnecessary stress on top of a big move. After I'd tweeted San Antonio's electric company I sent a DM to Samsung. In the DM I'd sent that particular company I asked what was taking so long for me to get a refund. In the same DM I also told Samsung that it seems to me like processing a refund for someone is quick and simple so I'd like to understand what's taking that particular company so long to process my refund. A few hours later someone from Samsung responded to the DM I'd sent that particular company earlier in the day. The person from Samsung said that she or he still has not heard from the appropriate people about me getting the refund I'd requested. Ugh. This is beyond frustrating! In other news I've been continuing to take DayQuil in hopes that it will keep me from getting so sick that I can't do things that I need and want to do. I mean seriously. I've done plenty of sitting around and being sick when I was in San Antonio. Now that I've made a change of my situation for the better I need things to go better. They will. Within the extent that I can control how things go I'll see to it that things go amazingly well for me. One thing about this recent move is that I've had a lot of time to reflect on things, on the plans I'd had for myself and on what I truly feel my calling is. I've had numerous experiences lately and the way that Apple has decided to "resolve" my situation definitely plays a part in my decision and thought process as a whole. Like, as a customer of Apple whose life has been changed drastically with the iPhone coming into existence I'm angry as fuck to know that because I'm one person who was trying to complete Apple's AppleCare Technician Training, Apple doesn't seem to want to fix the problem of that particular training of theirs not actually being accessible to everyone...when Apple has prided themselves on accessibility!! That just doesn't compute with what I knew about how Apple valued accessibility for everyone...accessibility of their products for everyone from the get-go. I know that that particular philosophy was promoted when Steve Jobs was still alive though. Not everyone has the same values that Steve Jobs did regarding accessibility. So anyway I've been doing a lot of thinking about my life and the sorts of things that I've been told by people throughout the years. One thing I've been told a lot by people throughout the years is that I'd make a good mental health therapist. I never started thinking about that until pretty recently. Honestly another thing that lead me to think about this was the recent conversation I'd had with a local VRC here in the new state I live in. I think that there's some truth to what he said about working for Apple: there wouldn't necessarily be a ton of room for advancement in working for Apple. Then something that I thought of on top of what he'd said was that when a person works for Apple or a similar place of business he or she only spends a certain amount of time with his or her customers. I'm someone who wants to not only spend time with people but I want to connect with those people in a meaningful way. I want to show people that while life can suck, he or she doesn't have to go through the shittiness of life alone. I need to be that beacon of hope to people, that real-life example to people that it's okay not to be okay all the time. So my plan is to talk to the VRC I'd recently talked to and ask him if he'd support me in going to college to become a therapist who specializes in trauma. I hope he does because I know that I have a gift...and I'd be a fool not to take advantage of said gift.