Assorted Thoughts And A Rant

In the last blog entry that I'd written yesterday I forgot to mention that Wednesday night a friend and I'd had a conversation with one another about the generation of kids that's younger than him and I are. More specifically said friend and I talked about why the younger generation of kids turns to drugs and alcohol. My stance on that particular topic was that the reason the younger generation of kids turns to drugs and alcohol is because those kids don't feel like they can talk openly with adults about the things that they're experiencing in their lives. I also told my friend that if kids and adults alike learned how to open up to one another about difficult subjects then actually carried out having those kinds of tough conversations with fellow human beings the world would be able to move in a more positive direction with regards to kids not using drugs and alcohol as coping mechanisms. Shortly after I'd written my last blog entry yesterday I logged onto Bookshare's website to put in a request for the book called Goodbye Ed, Hello Me. Fortunately I was able to put in said request with Bookshare easily. Once I'd submitted my request for that particular book to Bookshare I called the local paratransit company in the state that I live in now because I wanted to ask if I'd be granted use of said service now even though I haven't officially been approved for said service yet. The lady I spoke with who works at the local paratransit company in the state I live in said that I'm unable to use the paratransit service until I actually get approved for said service. That's frustrating because a friend of mine had been told that I should be able to use the local paratransit service since I'd been in this state with a temporary ID for the paratransit company a few months ago. Shortly after I'd gotten off the phone with a lady from the local paratransit company yesterday I Googled apartment locators (people who know the good and bad areas within a state who will help people look for apartments within those people's specifications). For example a person can tell an apartment locator that he or she's looking to be in a safe area, that he or she needs to be within a certain budget, that he or she wants to have washer and dryer connections in his or her apartment or anything else that anyone could think to be specific about. Unfortunately though this state doesn't appear to even have apartment locators which is fucking weird because San Antonio Texas had apartment locators. Then again the rent was cheaper in San Antonio Texas. Maybe I just got lucky to be in a city that offered such a service to its people. So anyway what came up yesterday when I searched for apartment locators in this state and city was numerous websites that listed apartments for rent. I'm honestly not too surprised though that there are no apartment locators in this state. In fact I'd told a friend of mine Wednesday that I think the best option for me finding a place to live is going to be the fact that the female roommate wanted ad I wrote is going to be posted on the bulletin board of the college I'm going to be attending. A little while after I'd looked for apartment locators within this particular state I received an email from someone from Bookshare. In the email that the person from Bookshare had sent me the person had given me a link to Bookshare's actual book request form. So once i'd read that particular email from Bookshare I clicked on the link that was in the email I'd received from that particular business. Upon clicking the link in said email I was able to fill out Bookshare's actual book request form. Unfortunately though I didn't know the author of the book Goodbye Ed, Hello Me. However I did put a description of Goodbye Ed, Hello Me in the comments section so that the Bookshare staff members would at least know what that particular book was about. Shortly after I'd put in the request for Goodbye Ed, Hello Me to be on Bookshare I received an email from Bookshare. In the email Bookshare had sent me I was notified that the book I'd suggested would be considered by Bookshare volunteers to be put on Bookshare next year. I felt disappointed to know that it may take up to a year before Bookshare even decides whether the volunteers for that particular agency even want to consider the book Goodbye Ed, Hello Me as a book to have in Bookshare's collection. A while after I'd received said email from Bookshare I tweeted GettingHired (which is a website for people with disabilities that helps people with disabilities find employment). I tweeted GettingHired because I wanted that particular agency to cancel my account since I'm no longer looking for employment. A little while after I'd sent a tweet to that particular agency I helped a friend of mine marinate chicken. My friend first put different seasonings in the chicken. Then he gave me the chicken and I made sure that each piece of chicken had seasoning on it. I made sure that the chicken had seasoning on it by putting my hands inside the bowl of chicken and putting the chicken pieces on top of each other and otherwise stirring the chicken pieces with my hands. In helping a friend in this way I realized something about myself: I found that I do best when I can actually feel the food with my hands that i'm preparing. Whereas when I've prepared food in the past and used spoons, forks and other utensils I haven't done as good of a job when I cooked that food. At least I don't feel like I did as good of a job when I cooked using utensils rather than my hands. Because even though I'm blind I'm still a visual learner. When I say to sighted people that I'm a visual learner many sighted people find that saying funny. However a person does not have to have usable eyesight to be a visual person. That is just an incorrect myth that many sighted people believe to be true. While I was in the middle of stirring and moving the chicken around with my hands yesterday my phone rang. Of course I didn't answer the call. Once I'd finished doing what I was doing with the chicken though I listened to the voicemail that the person had left me. It turned out that the lady whose house a friend and I went to see last weekend was calling me to let me know that she didn't want to rent her upstairs bedroom to me after all. On one hand I was okay with the fact that she didn't want me to rent a room in her house because I really didn't want to live with males. On the other hand though I thought the reasoning she gave on the voicemail she'd left me as to why she didn't want me to rent her upstairs bedroom was shitty to say the least. The reason she'd given as to why she didn't want me to rent her upstairs bedroom was because she feared for my safety. In the voicemail she'd left me she said something like "I have two grandkids that are at my place a lot and I'm afraid that they might put things in your pathway that might cause you to get seriously injured." Now any sighted person reading this part of this blog entry who doesn't understand the assumptions in this lady's thought processes would probably tell me that this lady was looking out for me. Any blind person who's independent and gets around in the world though would be pissed off at this lady's assumptions just as I'm pissed off at her assumptions. Although I usually don't speak for other blind people I've had this sort of thing happen so much throughout my life and I've known numerous other blind people who have had similar things happen throughout their lives. So I feel like I'm more qualified to say that assumptions like this lady's are damaging to society. Why are perspectives like this lady's perspective damaging to society? Because this lady is not blind. She'd told a friend and I that she takes care of a blind man who's recently gone blind...but taking care of someone whose recently gone blind is not even close to how someone like me whose been blind since birth lives his or her life. Someone who's recently gone blind has not had years and years and years of practice if you will, to develop the necessary skills that get me through life as someone who's been blind since birth. Someone who's recently gone blind is not going to know how to cross streets by listening to the traffic patterns and then making his or her own judgment about when it is safe to cross the street. Someone who's recently gone blind is not going to know that through said listening he or she can develop their listening skills in such a way that he or she'll be able to hear when a wall or other object is near him or her. Whereas I as someone whose been blind since birth have developed such skills. For me those skills and many other skills are what enable me to navigate through this world regardless of the fact that this world is not made for those of us who are disabled. Someone who's recently gone blind is likely going to feel like his or her life is over. However as someone who's been blind since birth I'm going to know that while blindness fucking sucks, life still goes on. I've been legally blind since birth but up until I was 18 or 19-years-old I had some usable vision. I loved the vision I had more than words can express. I depended on the usable vision that I had because I was always taught by many teachers at the Texas School for the Blind and Visually Impaired (TSBVI) that if I ever went completely blind my life would be over. For a time I believed those teachers words. Yet when I actually became totally blind at 19-years-old I knew that my life would go on. I had no desire to kill myself just because I unexpectedly became totally blind. And a similar thing happened before I knew that i had numerous health conditions that would be a part of my life as well. Years before I knew that my shunt could malfunction at any time, years before I knew that I'd have chronic migraines, years before I knew that I'd have RA, years before I knew that i'd have Systemic Scleroderma I lived life not taking care of myself. I frequently beat myself up emotionally because I thought that since my own blood relatives beat me up emotionally, that type of treatment was exactly what I deserved. Then when I was actually diagnosed with RA, when I was actually diagnosed with Systemic Scleroderma, when I was actually diagnosed with chronic migraines I didn't want to kill myself. I knew that my life would go on even though all of the above conditions would probably be a part of my life forever. So I write all of this to say that anyone could have something like this happen to him or her at any time. Even though living with numerous health conditions could turn my world upside down at any time I don't let anything stop me from living the life I want to live. Other people shouldn't stop doing the things that he or she loves to do simply because he or she's recently gone blind. Life will definitely be different for him or her just as life is different for me now that I have tons of health conditions that could cause me problems at any time. Yet the fact that life is different now does not have to mean that life becomes a death sentence. I'll admit that for me personally, life is different because I'm aware of how fragile life can be for anyone. Life is different for me because I now take much better care of myself than I did before I knew about all the health conditions that I'd have to eventually learn how to manage. Life is also different for me because I'm no longer willing to sit around and wait for opportunities to plop onto my lap. Yet I'd argue at least for me that life is more beautiful now because I truly appreciate all that life has to offer. I hope to show others that they can learn to do the same, no matter what circumstances he or she's gone through.