Reflections, New Experiences And Other Stuff

[chelseajmunoz]

I've been forgetting to mention that a few days ago someone who hadn't seen me since I'd come back from my vacation earlier this month told me "You lost weight." For me that particular phrase has always been a trigger that makes me think bad things relating to eating. So even though the person who made that comment was someone I know, my mind still thought "See? You are a defective piece of shit just like your mom always said you were. You are ugly. You look awful." On some level I knew that the comment about the fact that I'd lost weight might not have been meant the way I took it. However at that time I was unable to be compassionate towards myself or to even ask the person what he or she meant by making said comment. In continuing to read Self-Compassion though one of the tools I've come away with from that book is the fact that there are things that I can do individually to help teach myself that touch can be good. Because on an intellectual level I of course know that not all touches from people are harmful or ill-intentioned. Another tool from Self-Compassion that jumped out at me was the fact that if I'm going through a hard time I can give myself a hug. Like, literally wrap my arms around my body and be physically kind to myself. According to the book Self-Compassion if people practice that particular exercise for a week his or her body should catch up to what they mentally know to be true. Another technique from Self-Compassion that I found helpful was that people can write a compassionate letter to his or herself from the perspective of a kind and affirming friend. I may try writing a letter like that to myself sometime. Shortly after I'd written my last blog entry yesterday afternoon I mentally prepared myself for the fact that when at the sushi restaurant, people would likely touch me. I compassionately told myself that the people touching me would be my friends and that there was therefore no need for my body to be on high alert. After I'd done some positive self-talk for a time I received a text message from one of my friends saying he and his family would be at my apartment a little later than we'd initially planned for them to come. Fortunately though when they came to my apartment they helped make sure that everything in the apartment looked awesome. Shortly after they'd finished cleaning my apartment one of my friends posted the furniture that I still have, on Craigslist because at this point I'm more interested in selling the remainder of my stuff for whatever I can get for it. After my friend had posted my things on Craigslist we all went to a sushi restaurant with lots of my other friends. Being around everyone that I specifically chose to be with me rewarded me in a way that I hadn't expected. I noticed right away that my body felt less tense than it ever had and I was able to receive people's touches without feeling like I was in danger. I also asked one of my friends at the party what she'd thought about the comment I'd mentioned above. She very kindly told me that the person who made said comment probably meant it as a complement because I look healthy now. My friend's perspective cheered me up and helped me see that particular comment in a healthier light. This morning around 10:15 or so I decided to contact the lady who installed my emergency alert system since I hadn't heard from the lady who'd originally said that she'd pick the emergency alert system up from me sometime today. When I'd texted the lady who originally installed the emergency alert system I said something like "I wanted to ask for your help in making sure your company gets the unit back because the lady who was supposed to pick it up still hasn't contacted me about when she'd come to my apartment to pick it up. I'm only going to be here through this Wednesday and I want to make sure that you all get the emergency alert system back. Would you be able to pick up the unit yourself? Or would you help me find someone who can? Thanks for your help." A little while after I'd texted her she replied to my text saying that she'd try to pick the emergency alert system up sometime today or the next day. Fortunately she was able to have the lady who was supposed to pick up the emergency alert system pick it up this afternoon. As the lady was leaving my apartment with the emergency alert system I was able to sell some more items. After I'd sold some more things I went to the gym to work out. I had another really great work-out. Interestingly going to therapy is what initially encouraged me to go to the gym. I had no idea though how going to the gym would change my life. To say that the gym has saved me from myself is definitely an understatement (I'm getting better but I was my worst critic). So going to the gym has really helped me have an outlet that I didn't have before and I'm living life the way my core values indicate I should live (fitness, openness, genuineness, things like that). Throughout the day I'd also been going back and forth with my friends to see if we could sell any other furniture that I have. In other news I've had an Echo Dot for over a year now. One thing about that particular device that's funny to me is how Alexa (the Echo Dot's virtual assistant) seems like she's deaf. Like, she has 7 microphones (yes I've read that very thing on Amazon somewhere) so how the hell can she not hear me? Seriously. I speak very clearly whenever I talk to her. There's a particular radio station here in San Antonio that i love to listen to called G 103.3 and I can never remember how I have to tell Alexa to play that radio station in the correct way. Because that's the other thing: Alexa has set ways that she says things. She isn't like Google, where Google will come up with search terms that are close to the words that a person used an his or her search. Nope. Alexa is like "If you can't be bothered to say what you want in the exact way that I know the thing, you won't get what you want." . . LOL. Other times though she does okay if a person is slightly off in the command he or she gives Alexa. Just like us fucking humans sometimes being indecisive: Alexa sometimes can't make up her fucking mind what she wants! LOL. The great thing though is that last night I discovered that I could view my music playing history on the Alexa app on my iPhone which means I can just find that particular radio station and press play through the Alexa app. That's mighty convenient!